So, here I am. Sitting outside my apartment in a chair swing as the rain falls on the first hour of the first day of 2011 (pronounced twenty eleven, for those of you who are grammatically interested). I am sheltered from the bulk of the rain, but the mist is wayward enough to keep me focused on the task at hand, and the champagne that I have celebrated the New Year with has made me just introspective enough to dive into this attempt at a look at the past year. Pray with me that my writing doesn't suck.
One year ago, give or take a week or two, I graduated from college. My 4 and one half years at my beloved North Carolina State University were some of the best, and most formational years of my life. Not to say that my time in the classroom was overly efficient, but my time and experiences outside the institution were beyond compare. The friendships that I built and the lessons I learned were irreplaceable. And there were a few things that I benefited from due to my more formal education.
If you will bear with me for a bit, my 2010 actually begins in the later stages of 2009. Anticipating my departure from the collegiate world, I began applying for jobs in the last semester of school. My hope was that upon graduation I would have a job waiting for me. I have known my calling to youth ministry for some time now, and therefore was seeking employment in a local church. I was afforded the opportunity to go interview at a church outside of Richmond, VA over the span of a weekend. Basically, I nailed the interview. I was a great fit for the position. Not too mention I had a great weekend interview in which I delivered a top notch lesson to a group of middle school students and built a good relationship with an influential family with which I was staying the weekend. A few weeks later I heard back from the church. They told me that I did not get the job. And what is more, they didn't have a very valid reason for why I didn't get the job. They didn't even talk to all of my references. It was all very shady. At the time, I was pretty upset about the decision, but in hindsight it seems to be a little more providential then I first could have realized.
After that episode, I returned to the task of constantly applying to churches and doing phone interviews. It was a grueling, stressful time. Anyone who is unemployed, I understand the frustration of sending out resumes to completely no avail. In order to make a little bit of money, and to not feel like a total bum, I went back to work at the YMCA as an elementary school after-school counselor. I had worked at the Y for many years before and vowed never to go back. But I did. And it was really great. Sure, there were times of frustration, as with any job with kids. But overall, I was working with one of my best friends as my boss, and was doing something I loved. Yes, I love being a counselor for summer camps and after-school programs. There, I said it.
Though I enjoy that work, it is not what I feel I have been called to do long-term. I am here on this earth to do youth ministry. And I wasn't doing it to the extent that I wanted to. So I continued to apply and pray for guidance. It was a very humbling time for me. I knew God was preparing me for something, but I had no idea what that something specifically was.
If you will allow me to skip a few details in my story (in which many dear friends and mentors are due much credit in the ultimate direction that I have taken) I will come to my current situation. I am a youth pastor. And I am a seminary student. Both of those titles I have for some time wanted to claim for myself, but I must say I never suspected I would claim them in conjunction with one another. I always planned that they would be separate. God, however, tends to have different plans than I do.
I am currently a proud student in the Center for Youth Ministry Training, which by default makes me a student at Memphis Theological Seminary and a Youth Director at a local church in Mississippi. This semester has been one of excitement, joy, disappointment, loneliness, and growth.
One of my good friends is a youth pastor in the NC outer banks. During her first year there, she told me that she grew very close to God, because there was no one else to grow close to. At the time I didn't really understand how she could not simply go out and meet some people to talk to and be with. Now I understand. Some places are conducive to young adults living in community with each other. Some are not. I live in an area that is not. Luckily, I have a small group of classmates to grow with. But on the whole, all I have is God to grow close to. However, I am unfortunately not as disciplined as my friend on the NC coast. For me everyday is a struggle to understand why I am here in Mississippi, away from everything and everyone that I know and love.
The answer, though, always is clear and piercing. I am here because God has called me here. The numerous events in the story of my life have clearly led me here, slowly and surely, whether I want to acknowledge it or not. Whether my theology allows it or not, God has providentially led me to this point in my life. And it is for that reason that I will gladly endure this time in the wilderness. Because it is in the wilderness, in the desert, that people meet God. It is in the emptiness, confusion, joy and freedom of the pasture that God speaks to us and teaches us. The past year for me has been one of stress, anxiety, and darkness. Yet through it I have genuinely seen the amazing light of the Gospel. The Kingdom of God means more to me now than it ever did in the comfort of my parents' home.
Looking forward to the year of 2011 I do not know what God has in store for me, but what I am confident of is the love of my Savior and the hope of his reign.
As for you, may this year be one of contemplation, renewal, and a genuine hope for the coming future of God's Kingdom.
Happy New Year!!!
